太累了

已经不想理会
太累了

已经不想知道
太累了

已经不想活着
太累了

已经不想太累
太累了

因为。妳

再美的诗句，少了妳，就少了灵魂，也只是文字而已。

喜欢妳，有了爱的感觉，文字里都是妳。

很久很久，我们都没如此的相遇。即使工作天在同一个空间里，也好久好久，已没有交集点。

站在走廊，望着妳，妳是越来越漂亮。虽是那么短短的万分之一秒，经过妳身后，但心跳汹涌，难以平息。

因为是妳。因为是我喜欢的妳。因为是遇见了我喜欢的妳。

M。喜欢妳

忙着忙着 ， 忙着工作，忙着活动，忙着生活。然而，只要是那么一秒的空闲，想着的都是妳。

看见妳，思念也只会更深。即使只是妳的背影，妳的声音，都在拨动我的心跳，吞噬我的思绪。

为什么?为什么?

其实，是知道答案的，不是吗?

只因，我。喜。欢。妳。

雨天。思念

雨天了，天气冷了，心中挂念的妳，要睡好好喔，要盖被喔。睡醒，工作，期待见到妳。

雨天，思念多，都是妳。

感动。因为你

会感动，因为有人为自己。

可以是一句说过的话，对方记得。可以是送给对方的东西，对方还留着。可以是当自己心情不好时，对方陪伴着或一句关心的问候。可以是知道自己脾气不好，对方也迁就着。

可以是有一个人愿意和自己过一辈子。

感动，因为缺乏，所以渴望。感动，都很简单，却很深刻。

开花了

从国外网购回来的太阳花， 下了很多种子，结果只生了几棵。虽然是太阳花，应该不怕太阳晒的，但就是担心，所以都放在阴凉处。

终于，见到它开花了。美啊!

妳要好好生长喔，不然我会心痛的。

Are You Ok

I can't know why, but I am just worry about her. Maybe past few working days was busied with tasks,  didn't watch her much, or maybe because she was quite silent recently.

可是，我不需担心她的，不是吗?

I just hope she is fine and safe. Yeah, she is fine and safe for sure, just me think too much.

复。杂

想很多东西，心情也很复杂。想写的都很多，写出来的却很少。

人生到了这个阶段，还在和迷惑纠缠，都不是好事。

没有。喜欢

我没有喜欢妳
只是一个人静下来时
妳影子总在脑海里

我没有喜欢妳
只是走着睡着呆着
常常会思念妳

我不会喜欢妳
虽然妳的声音
一直在耳边荡着

我不要喜欢妳
即使心里总是
惦记着妳

我不可以喜欢妳
因为遇见了妳
我失去了自己

我不喜欢妳
只是会渴望
深深地抱紧妳
保护妳爱护妳

我真的没有喜欢妳
只是想和妳在一起
一起走过余生

Shit

"Just like you gonna tell me your grandma is women. I already know that. I need something that I don't know."

The problem in works is you don't know what is your superior's intention,  but still have to guess and report back, but got thrown with shit on face.

Well, that is work and life.

手语。聚会

上星期六参加了课外活动，就是和聋哑人士聚会，认识新朋友，也学习手语。

手语就和学习其他语文一样，就是要应用，不能死背。至少我是需要这样，不然很快忘记，根本记不起来。

本地的手语以前都是借用美国手语，现在才慢慢发展出来马来西亚的手语。毕竟有些名称其他国家是没有的，如roti canai, teh tarik, ABC,等等。

这样就出现不同版本的手语。有些还用着ASL版本的，有些则用新版本的，而双方都说是BIM，bahasa isyarat Malaysia。而我有时要学一些新字时，看了ASL的，再看BIM， 如果是一样的那就好办，不然就一头茫。因为有时用BIM的手语，老师说错了，不是这样。有时用ASL的，老师又说错了。

更可怕的， ASL也在改进手语，有些旧式的已经弃用，但有些人还在用。

在聚会里，有位60岁左右的aunty 知道我是free thinker, 没有宗教信仰，问了我:"没有神，好吗? 头脑里空空。" 我笑着，因为我不知道要如何回答她。要用语言回答已经难，还要用手语回答她，更难。

不过她很有耐心，因为很多手语我不会或不记得了，她就拼音出来，真谢谢她的包容。

他们都会问，你喜欢和聋哑人士做朋友吗?其实我真的没有说喜欢或不喜欢的，我只是和任何人都可以做朋友，不会是因为特殊环境或人士。因为从心里认为，每个人都有我可以学习的地方，都有他强的一面。

人生，是一条永远都要学习的道路。

99 Wonderland Park . Selayang

新开， 一个月，免费入场。白天可以看动物，喂动物。晚上看夜景，坐船斿。

不知道两年后还会在没有。可能附近居民会投诉臭，管理费又贵，到时关了拿来起家。

小仙桃

等它变大仙桃。

每次注意到的时候，都是已经很大粒了。每次都让我好奇几时变出来的。

终于这一次，见到了。

巴西铁树 Dracaena Fragrans

一个多月后， 花开花落， 最后也谢了。慢慢的，有些就结果了。

好奇，那果子是什么味道，想咬一口啊!

我的人生 ，我的爱情，开了什么花，结了什么果啊?!

声声慢。李清照

寻寻觅觅，冷冷清清，凄凄惨惨戚戚。乍暖还寒时候，最难将息。三杯两盏淡酒，怎敌他晓来风急？雁过也，正伤心，却是旧时相识。

满地黄花堆积。憔悴损，如今有谁堪摘？守著窗儿独自，怎生得黑？梧桐更兼细雨，到黄昏、点点滴滴。这次第，怎一个愁字了得！

BIM. Reference Book

it is not easier to get BIM books, at least not like ASL, that is much more easier, those bookshops are selling it.

BIM books only can get from that Malaysian Federation  of the Deaf, or RC Deaf Missions Malaysia.

Learning . BIM

after form 5, was working as promoter in a small supermarket, while waiting for the SPM result. One day, came across a deaf person was wanting to buy something. The Deaf was trying to describe it, unfortunately i couldn't get it.

i was thinking, there must be a better way that both of us able to talk to each other, that where i know existence of structural sign language. the famous and well known is ASL, american sign language. there onward, i always wanted to learn, but time and financially was not able to do so.

till now.

learning sign language not much easier than learning others languages as well. BIM, bahasa isyarat malaysia, is conceptually from ASL, with some localised signs. From level 1 to level 2, i was struggling to get thru. I am a person need much much practice and usage to remember things, but in my life, there is no involvement with any Deaf, nor use of it.

Now come to level 3, it is like, "oh my, do i really wanna continue with it?".  thought about giving up, but i know i will regret it if i did. telling myself, just learn as much as i can, event if i couldn't pass the exam, at least exposure will let me on learning something.

it is about 10 weeks course, a day per week. this makes it even more tougher. group assignment, individual assignment, weekly assignments, exam preparation, exposure event preparation, social interaction....wow! good luck to me.

我需要把自己变得更好，虽然我不是最好的，但我可以做的更好。学习的也许在生活里不会用上，但学到的知识不会是一个错误。就像学手语一样。 

I don't wanna talk about it

Love this song for many years and this duet is the best

Sometime,  perhaps most the time, really just feel like the song title.

https://youtu.be/w46bWxS9IjY

Simplicity

A easy tasks but became complicate because my way of thinking.

Datetime           Action
Date A                  A
Date B                  B
Date C                  A
Date D                  B

Example as above where Datetime column contains different date and time. Column Action contains string A and B, where A represents a request and B is response.

The task was to find the time different between each request-response pair. So simple as it is,  just compare the time different between Date A and Date B pair,  and another pair Date C and Date D,  and so on.

Viola, task completed. The result commonly turned out to be few seconds different,  and not expecting more than 8 seconds. But somehow,  they were 5 to 10% turned out more than that. Somewhere was wrong.

Data are in millions row, manually check was nightmare but had too. Turned out sometime the data are not in proper pair,  could be A paired with Z, which is not related, a dirty data occurred.

So based on experiences,  conditions check must apply. And this was where For...If looping came to my mind. Begun the mistake. Wrote a looping to check where next row must be B after row A, only then compare to get the time different, else would be ignored.

For...If looping is fundamental logic as learned during college time,  doing some programming, as well as using Case,  or Switch or While looping. It is good to use when data are small, but when come to millions row and multiple columns, it took few hours to process. This was why I kept the computers running overnight to get the result,  after waited for about a hour per process still not getting result.

Then I was stuck on how to improve the For..If looping,  to make it more efficient. Thought for 2 days,  then I asked myself, why not rethink and rewrite. Looked back to the first solution attempted that was fast but without condition checking, can easily enhance on there.

Datetime      Action     A_Next   DT_Next
Date A                  A          B           Date B
Date B                  B          A           Date C
Date C                  A          B           Date D
Date D                  B        ....           .....

Basically,  just copy the next row Datetime and Action values to current row, to new columns. Then just ignore those rows not in A-B sequence,  and only calculate the time different on those valid rows : Datetime - DT_Next. 

From hours of waiting the result by using For..If looping,  reduces to, within few seconds can get the result,  for millions row of data.

The next challenge is how to use apply,  lambda and RegEx to replace str.contains(),  to extract data. For millions row data, currently took few minutes to extract,  hope can reduce it much more.

Learning is fun.

The next 5 years

Very small fraction amount of bitcoin and altcoin are invested,  that are equal to few thousand ringgit.

Yap, only few thousands,  so it is only very small fraction of cryptocurrencies. At this point of time, bitcoin is trading at 10kusd and Ethereum is about 900usd.

The problem is tracking those cryptocurrencies,  because different exchanges and wallets are only capable on storing few kinds. The common one are bitcoin and Ethereum,  supported by most. So to buy or hold different cryptocurrencies,  including tokens, got to have multiple accounts or mobile apps, sometime confusing.

Have I earned profit on it? On the book,  yes, just few hundreds. As long as I have not cash out, it may total loss, or earn more.

A lot people think cryptocurrencies are scam. Yes and no. For sure the associated blockchain technologies are not scam,  it is fintech that will incorporate with AI to cater the new economics. But the cryptocurrencies are still young, everyone is trying their ideas on it,  and yes,  few years from now numbers of cryptocurrencies and tokens will be disappeared, when the markets are becoming mutual.

Some of them are surviving after transformed, and regulated. Cryptocurrencies way is a must,  no more paper money, will be just figure transferring between accounts. But how to make it works and governed, this is the tricky part.

Let's see in next 5 years, will tell.