Every day, reborn

Today is Wednesday.

Do you remember any special Wednesday out of so many Wednesdays?  Or do you remember any of the special weekday or any special date in your life? 

Be honest, I don't remember. Well, maybe do, only some people birthdays, my birthday, and the day I got serious accident.

I am not good in remembering date, or date with special event. That was the reason somehow I wasn't like subject of history, full with persons' names or years or dates. Somehow, I was still getting good grade on the subject.

Birthday. Since couple of years ago, when I start wondering the meaning of it, I don't celebrate nor I will wish others on their birthdays. Some says, birthday was the day your mother dealt with great pain and risked her life to bring you to this world, we shouldn't celebrate. Well, agree but disagree. Because I believe, yes mother was dealt with great pain and risking her life, but also was the happier moment of her bringing her child to this world.

For many years, I am only doing simple celebration, if have to say one, is spending time together with family members or loved one. It is precious moment of my birthday, no birthday cake, no candle, no decoration, just sitting and chatting.

Somehow, I still like festival moments. That is the moment, friends are gathered, or relative and family members are gathered together. That is the only moment, we able catch up after long time not seeing each other. Some even after so many years then only meet up again.

Life is long, when you lost in it. But life is short, when people you know are living this world.

Everyday of the morning, I wake up and thankfully I am still giving the chance to be part of this world. Every night when I on bed, close my eyes, thankfully I was part of today.

Everyday, is a birthday. 

Journey to data and analytical work - part 1

How is my working life linked to data analysis? I was wondering too.

Supposedly started as technician back to year 2002, never thought of data analysis, and no idea what it was.

Back to then when handling MEPS and EMV deploymwnt projects, I was recording down number of things: the movements of EFTPOS terminals, the movements of MEPS SAM cards, the clients information,  et cetera. It all on the ms excel spreadsheet, even sometime just on paper. That time, no proper tracking inventory or tracking system, everything was on excel spreadsheet.

On that time, the purpose was very simple: to have evidence and protecting myself. Because I was newbie in the working life ( I worked for couple of months before as promoter and computer technician, but still fresh after graduated from university), and it was hardly for someone to help or protecting me. With me and the other malay partner as technical support, and working under those very forgetful managers, it was caution and reasonable steps.

On the time, had not thought much, records were just a pure records, no further major manipulation from there, other than just got some statistical results like devices faulty rate, deployment rate, returned rate, et cetera.

My recording process continued for years till got more human resources: girls on inventory and reporting, and guys in technical support. But the inventory and reporting system was basically just directly keyed in those records into ms access tables, without UI, not centerised and not controlled. Of cause errors happened, shouting heard daily of missing records or records being overwritten.

Till company was taken over on 2006...

Learning

Life is always about learning, none stop learning.

Why we learn? To be better than what we were, to be more knowledgeable, to be helpful to others and to protect ourselves.

We can't stop learning: learn to be better as children, friends, students, citizens, parents, husbands, wives, et cetera. We are playing multi roles in daily life or along ours lives journeys. We just can't using a standard code for different roles.

Or maybe other people can. When they think it is enough, they can refuse to learn more. But not for me.

I am born with big curiosities. I want to know things I am puzzled with. Maybe not to deep understanding of it, but at least a general logic, fundamental understanding of it. I like new things, knowing things is fun.

Well, learning is fun, but sharing knowledges is more fun, if get to right people.

Quit

There is a quote says

"The moment you're ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens. Don't give up."

I have been believing it for long time, pushing myself for many things, be optimistic on things in my hands, in my life: I am going to get what I wanted, things are getting better and better, and so on.

But in the other hand, after many years passed, I wondering if it was right. Am I to blind or to passive that cannot see things clearly, things are not going as expected?

Or am I feel too unsecure that has myself moved on but then backward again? I would be nothing at the end of my life journey, if i keep doing the same thing, wouldn't l?

Need to change and need to quit if necessary. Things that cannot move on, be better, it is time to quit.

冲劲

以前大学毕业后，二十多岁出头，曾有一段很长的时间，都会失眠。

那是一段非常繁忙的时期，大马银行提升MEPS 和emv  的时期。那时后，前公司technical 人员只有两位。有些时候，我们是在公司里过夜睡觉的。也因为压力大，很多时候都失眠，凌晨4或5点就回公司，开始工作到晚上9或10点才回家。

那时，就像其他打工仔一样，问自己为什么要这样勤力，工钱又不多，就拿千多块而已。可是，每一次把任务完成，把困难解决，责任做好，就有很大的满足感。

回想，那是一段很有冲劲的日子，很怀念的时期。

有冲劲，人生才有意义吧!

坚持。犹豫

坚持到底。我一直都相信，这是人生里必要的信念，也一直坚持实行这信念。

可是，当事情可能伤害到他人，或对他人构成困扰时，都让我犹豫不决。还需要坚持到底吗?

爱情，真的能坚持到底，真的会开花结果吗? 总是觉得，自己的情感抒发，告诉对方，都给对方带来困扰，对对方也许是精神上的折磨。这样，我不是很自私吗? 这样，我不是就是在伤害我喜欢的人吗?

反反复复的思考， 越想越多，越让我犹豫不决。

每个人都有自己的生活方式，而我又有什么权利去打扰对方的生活，给对方添麻烦呢?

婚宴

很少会出席同事或前同事的婚礼，之前应该只有两次吧。

我也不懂为什么这次会答应出席。也许人生路程走多了，希望能给予他人更多的祝福，更多的能量。

他的婚礼晚宴，挺温馨的，还有新郎子给新娘的惊喜，唱歌。虽然他紧张，歌声有些不准，就是感人。

婚姻，是两家人的事。但一对人能走在一辈子，不是因为他们都很完美，而是两个人一起的坚持，一起的扶持，在有不同之处，寻求共识，接受，结合。

新娘的爸爸说的好，"I give you my princess, and you have to make her queen."

祝福你们。

念。M

想妳
想念妳的样子
想念妳的背影
想念妳的影子
想念妳的微笑
想念妳安静的时候
想念妳说话的时候
想念妳的声音
想念妳
深深地
想念妳。

心，挂着妳
心，牵着妳
心，担心妳。

妳，工作累吗
妳，有睡好吗
妳，有饿到吗
妳，受委屈吗
妳，要好好的
知道吗?

让
我的文字
拥抱妳
给妳
无尽的力量
度过
美好的一天。

望
我的思念
随着风儿
伴着云儿
飘到
妳的身边
温暖妳的心。

妳
是我在乎的
妳
是我喜欢的
妳
是我想要的
妳
可爱美丽的
妳
我所思念的。

懂。我

很多时候，很多事情，我都会笑着说，开开玩笑般的，似不在乎的。

但，心的绞痛，无奈，心情的低落，打击，碎裂，谁会明瞭。

我的心情，只能留给懂我的人，想懂我的人。如果，是有这个人的存在，我也会想知道是谁。

走好。安息

以前星期五晚回到家乡，它都会走过来大门，摇摇尾巴，开心的，要我摸摸它。

后来它因随地小便，被套着了在厨房附近。我回来就见不到它在门口迎接我，不习惯。不过它认的出我车的声音吧，都会吠几声，我也会叫它名字，向它说声:乖。

我总是说它像雌的，不像是雄的，因为从它还小开始，它的仪态，觉得它是男儿身，女儿心。

不知已经养了多少年，它慢慢的由小狗边大狗。我很少陪它玩，我只是疼它，都会看看它的眼睛。很多时候，它的眼里，透露出不快乐，但越来越成熟。

也许，它的时间到了。

尘归尘，土归土。那里来，那里去。走好，安息。

谢谢你，辛苦你了那么多年。

过

泪流过 ，睡醒，明天继续的过生活。

皮皮

它用它的生命，保护着对它好的主人，把这危险的黑蛇捉了。

狗狗就是那么的简单，它的忠诚，给对它好的主人。

它，中毒了。

皮皮，你要好起来喔。谢谢你的勇敢。你要好起来，一定要。

为。妳。诗

把我的心情
化为文字。
把我的感觉
编写成诗。

一切
都是为了
只望
妳会欢喜
妳会微笑。

八婆

喜欢分享，觉得有意义的，觉得有趣的，觉得对大家日常生活有影响的，会和大家分享。

可是，我总是忘了每个人在乎的事，关心的事都不一样。更多的时候，他人只会觉得我很无聊，总是放些有的没的。

工作上，能帮的都会去帮，或给些意见，或提醒对方。因为毕竟在这行多年，烂船也有三分钉，还是有些经验可以帮上忙的。

可是，很多时候，只会见到对方的脸色，挂着:"你这么多事八婆做什么。"

想着的是帮忙，得到的是一屁股的热情。所以啊! 我这么八婆做什么，就让对方去自己解决吧! 错过才会学精，是对的。

只是，厌倦了案子的细节都不被告知，直到出乱子了，却要收拾烂摊子，被顾客责怪。都不明白，有什么好隐藏的呢?难道我没事做，会去抢对方的事来做，抢功劳?

功劳对我已经没有意思，只要做满足自己的事就好。

唉! 我啊!还是做回以前的自己好，少说话，做自己的事，不要去八婆，不要做好心，不要去分享，没人想听想看想知道，多烦人。

自己的事，留给自己就好，在这里写写blog ，又不会吵到人，也没人会来这里看，安全地带。

老。狗

有几个星期没见到它了，不知发生了什么事。

平时上班或下班时，都会见到它。行动都是缓慢的，老了。

有时问候它，说说话，它都不理会。但和它说要站旁边，怕车碰到它受伤，它又会乖乖地站一边。

附近有位妇人，都会打包食物给它吃。听那妇人说，市议会人想捉它很多次了，都让它逃过。

希望它被好心人收养了，可以安心终老。

熟悉的环境，变了，会不习惯，需要时间去淡忘，适应。

失控

不能想妳太多，因为我会失控。不能不想妳了，因为我已经失控。不想妳，已不是选择，原来我都已经失控，只会不停地想念妳。

Sometime, I afraid of looking into your eyes, because I know I will lose control. My souls, completely yours.

落寞

回首往事，只身孤影，忧愁。长叹，黯然一身，白头? 落寞。

我

我不浪漫，只会静静地陪伴喜欢的人。
我不会花言巧语，只会用简单的文字写下感觉。
我不太说话，只会聆听喜欢人说的话。
我不会给惊喜，只会老土的送花，送些喜欢人喜欢的东西。
我不会有太多的爱的表达，只会默默的耕耘，为喜欢的人付出。
我，就是这样的我，傻傻的我。
傻傻的我，她会喜欢吗? 还是，惹了她讨厌而已?

挂。心

今天的妳，过得怎样啊?
今天的妳，工作累了吗?
今天的妳，有受委屈吗?
今天的妳，别饿坏了啊!

累了，就歇息一会儿吧!
别累坏了啊!

饿了，就吃些干粮吧!
先充饥啊!

上班的路上，
回家的路上，
要多加留意，
一切平安啊!

睡觉，要记得盖好被啊!
别着凉了啊!

夜了，早些休息吧!

一颗挂着妳的心，
有妳，幸福。

蓝。念

星期一，蓝。

一个人的生活，一个人的工作，一个人的晚餐，一个人的住处，一个人的电影。

生活在孤寂却已麻木的每一天，孤寂好像不不孤寂。

一个人，心里想念一个人，孤寂不孤寂，只是落寞。

咳嗽

咳嗽不可以吃鸡肉，不过差不多每次晚餐都在吃。

寒咳，一到傍晚或寒冷的环境，就会咳个不停，肺都要咳出来了，有时咳到想吐。

服西药咳嗽药液可以降低咳嗽次数，不过就会昏昏欲睡。在家里还好，可以十点睡到天亮，在公司就惨了，提不起精神。

家人亲戚给了几样药，说服了会好。可是也不可能同时间吃几样药啊!唯有一样完了，再试另一样。

关心，都是爱，一番的心意，感恩。

Seri Meranti。遊

Kuala Pilah。西天宫。遊

九月，九皇爷诞。

九皇爷，其实就是天上的九颗星星。古代的时候，中国人都会观天像，把一颗颗星星命名，或一堆星星聚图命名，就像和西方星座一样。

近来，外星人研究学认为，九皇爷有可能就是外星人到地球拜访，而人们把它当神拜。因为在很多国家地方民族里，都要九个皇的故事。其实也是有可能的，就像神农氏，据说他的身体是透明的。

有趣啊!