Just 4 U

突然想起，你和我，就像牛郎与织女。。。。一年里，只见一次面。

短暂，但珍贵。。。

安慰。。。忘了自己

安慰人的话，你会说吗？

曾经有位朋友说，每一次听了我的一些话，他都很安慰。他的婚姻出了些问题，夫妻之间相处有了些摩擦。白天，烦着的是工事，晚上又不能好好睡个觉。他不断的将就妻子，却发觉她不退反而进尺。好好的坐下来谈，对方的语气总不对，让他无可适从。有时凌晨，收到他的短信，只好慢慢地开解他，分析情况给他听。虽然，不知是否有帮上忙，只希望让他知道有个朋友在关心他，精神鼓励。放弃这段婚姻，永远都是最后的选择。

另一个是学院时期的朋友，现在已很少很少联络了。记得有一次，他说，学会了把心情写在纸上，现在的心情比较好多了。因为有一次，见到我总爱在纸上涂鸦，问了原因。当时告诉他说，如果有很多心事，但又不懂如何说起，表达，又或有些事，秘密，想说出来，但又不想让人知道，文字会是很好的利用工具。你可以随心随性而写，涂鸦，没有固定的格式，或语言阻碍。写了，可以收起来，以后可以回味自己，又或焚掉，及任何自己认为妥当的方式，没人会阻止你。最主要的，能让你减轻对自己的压力。

安慰的前奏，是学会聆听吧！

一位女孩说，聆听罢了，有多难嘛？不难，一点都不难。先假设，自己是对方的听众，让他申诉的人。他有事时，自己只是聆听，及回应些安慰话，或分析情况给他明白。自己是对方很好的听众，听回来的，都要保密，不能透露给任何一个人听，包括最亲的人。有天，自己有了最坏的一天，心情超低落，对方却来了个电话，开始抱怨。那，怎么好呢？可以老实的说，自己的心情，然后挂电话。又或反回来向他申诉。可是，他不能当自己的听众，心里清楚知道。

我不知道别人会怎么做。但却知道自己，会放下自己的心情，用心听完对方要说的话，理智的分析，安慰他。也许，我的话，他都没听进耳，也用不上场。他只不过想找个人抱怨而已。但也不能排除一点点的可能性，自己的话，会影响到他。自己当然不是圣人，也没想过什么好伟大的，什么牺牲自己的类式行动。只是清楚了解，自己的角色，在对方心中，自己是很好的听众。他来电，自然而然的，自己也不想让他失望，也希望能帮上忙。偶尔，也有例外的。 当自己接近精神崩溃，分裂时，知道不能好好的分析事情，只好短信相告，希望对方明白。

聆听，是不是很容易?

可是，近来嘛，自己好像有重听的缺陷了，未老先衰，还是不能专心了，被事困扰着？有时朋友重复说了三四篇，还是听不清楚，朋友还以为自己是故意的。

也许习惯了扮演听众的角色，忘记了要如何表达自己的心声了，忘记了被安慰的滋味，也抗拒。

安慰，让我忘记了自己的存在。

Don't Waste the times...on Mistake

It's so easier to make a little tiny mistake, but taking ages to fix it back.

原来。。

有时，总爱说些有的没的，唠唠叨叨的，像个老人家。

朋友说，自己总是有很多的人生大道理，没完没了地。是吧，自己都会纳闷，还要说朋友呢。有时叮嘱，是出于关心，但不被领情，只好选择沉默。每个人都觉得所选择的，是最好的，不需别人来教导，不需叮嘱，不需别人来批评。人生是自己的，干你何事！

对，干你何事！至到遇到了另一方，想和他分享人生的对方。开始放下倔强，开始沟通，开始折腰，觉得叮嘱是一种幸福，觉得有个人在你心上，有牵挂是一种骄傲， 不再坚持己见，把两方的生活纳为一体，一式，你有他，她有你。。。。

简简单单的，平平安安的，彼此共度了一生，孩儿渐渐长大，成家立室的，事业有成的，幸福啊！

MV Doulos

Was there with my younger sister and nieces on 22 July 2006. The place was at Westport Klang, and some shows were happening on that day.

Walking-Dead-Man

I have nothing left in my life, my humble soul is died, nothing seems to be cared, and no one seems to be taking note.
Tomorrow, is not a matter, and yesterday, I cannot help anymore.
Perhaps, my cycle of life, is completed.
Walking-dead-man, I will be...

平静是罪

失去了重心，人生就开始模糊了。

有时走着，坐着或躺着，脑袋总是空空的，两眼无神的发呆着。人，很累。工作已不能满足自己，已没了挑战性，有些腻了。现在所做的，也只不过是责任而已。有些悲哀吧！

在太熟悉的环境里，生活已经有了个惯性，就失去了斗志力，闭上眼，已能想象到一个星期后的生活方式，多大的变动，也十不离九。

。。。一个人的生活，平静是个罪。

。。。想对你说。。。

。。。永垂不巧的爱

。。。不要永垂不巧的爱情。不要梁山伯与祝英台式的爱情，不要罗米欧与朱丽叶似的爱情，永垂不巧，家喻户晓，却不能在一起。

只要，爱着你，和你共度及分享余生的每一天，拥你入睡。平凡，却刻骨铭心，简单，但罗曼蒂克。

爱着你，能拥有你的爱，已是我一生最好的收获了。

爱，很简单，因为，我爱你。

I come, I will go....

Sometimes, feel that life is so funny and complicated. People that we known, somehow are leaving from our sights, and slowly, we are no longer hear anything from them anymore.

Perhaps, everyone has their own goal in their lives, which make us to move further.Yes, times never stop or wait for us, we can’t help for the past, and we keep on move on, till the day comes, and bye bye.

It sounds funny, isn’t it? We work so hard, setting a goal and making it happened. We have children, staying in big house, traveling around and but still keep on complaining, not enough. Money not enough, house not big enough, want to buy beautiful and expensive cars, want to travel the world, exploring galaxy, have the best partner or soul mate and bla bla bla…. never ever ending desires.

But, what actually we bring with after the death? The materials we have had, family members, memories, or nothing at all, because everything just vanish in nowhere? We have no exact answer for that, but we still work hard for life, achieving goals till we had forgotten the joy of life, or delaying it. Sometimes, it’s amazing when someone says, I work hard now, and enjoy my life when I am aged. Isn’t there will be period that we have no joyful memory, all just about work, if we really are waiting for aged to come?

Why don’t we enjoy every second that we have, every moment that we have, every single things that we are doing, every piece of things we come across? Why don’t we? Why don’t we enjoy the works that we have, every assignments that pass to us? Why need to treat them as must-to-do force, why not just be a type of enjoyment?

If we were sad, enjoy the sadness quietly. If we were blue, then colour ours bodies, ours minds, inner and outer, bluely. If we felt crying, then make it loud. If we were in love, then feel the happiness, and so on. We know the feelings lasting for not long, then we search it, when it comes, feel it, play with it, keeping it, and kill it.

The only ever lasting in the world is nothing. Enjoy every moment that we are having, when it comes, and leave it, when it moves on.

What U Want, Babie?

Picture taken at Scotland, Isle Of Skye. It's amazing island, with the nature views......... WOW! the only expression that I could think of... and this bull was very friendly, I actually touched its head, and had taken photo with it.

To enter this island, by bridge, that time got to pay 6 pound plus per car....but it's worth it...for the time I had there.

Money, can't buy memory, only can create.

Macam Mana?

“Kalau tak berlaku, macam mana?”

Memang benar, kalau tak berlaku, penduduk2 and pihak berkuasa, mungkin akan menyalahkan kamu. Tindakan kamu telah menyebabkan semua orang dalam ketakutan, menyelamatkan diri, and kekacauan mingkin berlaku.

Disebabkan ini, kamu mungkin dibuang kerja.

Tapi, kalau ia berlaku, apa akan jadi? Pernahkah kamu fikirkannya?

Dan, ia telah berlaku, selepas 45 minit kamu memikirkan soalan itu. 45 minit, cukup masa untuk selamatkan banyak nyawa, tapi apa yang kamu risaukan, hanya soalan, “kalau tak berlaku, macam mana?”

“Tsunami sudah berlaku, sekarang macam mana?”.

Amat menyedihkan, amaran yang sepatutnya dikeluaran, nyawa yang sepatutnya dapat diselamatkan, telah diabaikan kerana, “Kalau tak berlaku, macam mana?”

Tapi, sekarang sudah berlaku, macam mana pula?

Yeah Yeah...

"Mirror mirror on the wall, I am the most handsome guy in the world"... Yeah Yeah

时光倒流 。泪的伤痕

每一次，你的泪，都是我的心痛，新的伤痕。

很想很想抱着你，安慰你，让我的爱，我的体温，化解你的委屈，你的悲伤，你的忧虑。

时光倒流 。倔强

“。。。你们两个走在一起，那一定是另一次世界大战了。。。”

朋友的一席话，真的有趣。

虽然彼此的脾气是有点硬，倔强，但，也不至于那么槽吧。


“。。。我想我会开始想念你 可是我刚刚才遇见了你 我怀疑这奇遇只是个恶作剧 我想我已慢慢喜欢你 因为我拥有爱情的勇气 我任性投入你给的恶作剧 你给的恶作剧 。。。。。”《恶作剧 -王兰茵》

时光倒流 。对不起

“对不起”

很简单的一句话，却在自己的心中，脑中，来回回荡，震撼。

是自己的错，及倔强，你却主动道歉。

一刹那之间，发觉自己原来是那么的没气量。惭愧，惭愧。。。

We have agreed...!!

Please don't do this to me! We have agreed, this is the best for all, it was, it is and it will be....you can't break the agreement....we have agreed!!!!

Please stop it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please chop my head off...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would get nuts…………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Help me please!!!! Help me!

Please, stop thinking of it, just stop! Stop doing this on me, I couldn’t fight with you. I know I couldn’t, just leave me alone, please! I beg you! I would do whatever you want, just stop doing this!

I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t take you out of my mind, and I couldn’t take this anymore, please chop my head off, would you? Would someone do it? I just want to have peace, a moment of peace.

My life is miserable.

I know I was making mistake that I couldn’t turn it right, to the place it should be, I am sorry for that, and regrets for that. Please! Just give me a break.

Please, stop forcing me to the death end! You wouldn’t want to see it….

Empty...

Standing in this place, it's so empty. Empty, without you were being around.... Life is so empty, you weren't there....

U....The Only One..

You will always be the only one in my heart, the deepest love.....

玩意儿

“好好的一个生日，毁了！我讨厌永远给我承诺，又要夺回我幸福的臭家伙！我哭了，但没人看见。每个人都以为我会过个快乐的生日，我也这样以为。但全都是谎言。。。谎言。。。” --- 0714

残忍的说一句，欢迎来到“失望”的世界。承诺，只不过是逗人的玩意儿。

晚安 永远的

很累 很累 想睡了 真地想睡了
闭上了双眼 世界不见了 走了
一切的一切 是置身于外了
任何得不如意 任何的快乐 伤痕
不再拥有了 都离去了 跑了
好累 真的好累 不想再玩了
不想撑了 不想哭了 不想发呆了
不再想你了 不再爱她了 不要了
都不要了 是自私的 那么的一次
想睡了 先走的 保重了
对不起 先走了 好累 好累
走了 笑着
晚安 永远的

时光倒流 。礼物

“生日快乐”

从遥远的地方，电话筒里，传出了你的祝福。偶尔说过的一些话，你尽然把它放在心上，自己，很感动。快乐，幸福的笑容，挂在我的脸上。

是那么的遥远，却又那么的近，拥抱着你的每句话，你给的幸福。

今夜，你给了最好的生日礼物。

时光倒流 。Comme Toi

“生日快乐”

在这简单的生日会，KFC 里，握着你的手，有着一股的意流，透过自己的血液，触动每一根神经线。

感觉，从来不隐瞒自己的灵魂。

唯一的一次，为你庆祝生日。

乏味

“生命还是爱情比较大？两者有何关系？”---0201



先有了生命，然后爱情。爱情，却造就了生命，让我们活出生命的意义。两者相联相连，少其一而乏味。

You.. Suck!!!!

This was back to few months ago, when I was spending my time with family at Penang. It happened at one of the famous shopping complex.

I was waiting nearby a booth, and the sale executives were approaching customers, promoting the credit card. One of them came to me, asking whether I was interested to apply one. I replied him politely that I already have few, but not from this bank. Then he continued offering me, the balance transfer program, and I rejected him again. However, he kept on persuading me to enrol in one of their promotions, and I was rejecting him again and again.

Till while later, he said: “What is the problem with you?!” Problem? Okay, I was assuming he couldn’t speak nicely using English, and I replied him: “I have no problem, and just want to enjoy my holidays here.” It seemed that he couldn’t understand me well, and kept on asking and bothering me with: “What is the problem you!”, louder and louder. For a while, I really thought giving him a punch, or said: “Can you fuck off from my face!”. However, to be nice, I only shouted at him: “I just want to enjoy my holidays here, and I am not interested with your promotions!”, and angry was shown on my face.

Finally, he vanished from my face. Later on, one of his colleagues was approaching me and apologized to me. I do understand and respect your guys’ hardwork to get sales, but shouldn’t it to be done with the more proper way, not till customers were fed up and angry with you? I do hope this guy learnt something that day, and apply proper way when talked to customers.

Another case was just happened on yesterday. I was having my diners alone, as usual, at Indian – Muslim restaurant, or so called Mamak. It was just about time 1900 plus, few customers around. I placed my order, Barli Iced and Roti Pisang. So, the waiter disappeared and then showed up nearby me, but was standing there a while, and went to other table to take order. While taking order, he was talking to his colleague, and this waiter immediately came to me and said: “Roti pisang sudah habis, nak minta lain punya ke?”

Okay, I was unhappy and thinking: why couldn’t that waiter inform me and get my next order, why need to get his colleague to do it, anything wrong with me?
However, silence as I always to be, and placed my new order. Then enjoyed my diners, and when trying to get my bill, ohh….this was hell, all waiters were disappeared in no way. For 10 minutes I was looking for them, and finally got one. Trying to get my bill, and this was another 3 minutes I was waiting there.

This called service? I always say, Mamak’s Restaurant is not the place for us to look for quality or quantity. For quality, I would say only when we are hungry and lazy to think and find place, then we would go for it. For quantity, the price of the foods normally is not worth it. The only thing I like this kind of restaurants is because of open-air environment, and spending few hours with friends, with just a drink.

Perhaps, some people would say, we couldn’t expect much from this kind of restaurants or stalls. Yes, I am not expecting to be treated like VIP, but at least get the order done properly and to be helpful when customers need it.

Service, is to do the right things. Good service, is to do service and get the things right. Best service, always start with little minor things, that most the time we have missed or ignored them, and providing good service.

时光倒流 。细雨中

公园里的凉亭，几位的小男生，你，我，对望着。

“我们走啦，不要做电灯泡。”

小男生们的离去，留下你，及不知所措，腼腆的我。

你，很可爱。。。

时光倒流 。逃避

是那么的近，彼此的眼神。

望着你，几公分的距离，有着难耐的冲动，想轻吻你，我爱你。。。

万分之一秒的犹豫，我逃避。。。

Alive...Life...

时光倒流 。 开始

回忆的缠绵，夜，难眠。

想起了很多很多，小时候的，家乡的，读书时期的，和朋友的欢乐时光。

太多的回忆，快乐，太多的伤感。

想起了，说过的话，听过的话，忠告，是那么的深刻。

也许，唯一的方法，是把全部的回忆，都抒发于文字中，让自己解脱。

也想知道，回忆有多少。

就从，你，开始吧！

天知晓，云最娇，
我知晓，云微笑。

。。降落。。流浪去

“你，曾经爱过我吗？”
“没有，没曾经爱过你。”
。。。
“你就不能，安慰我一次吗？”
“对不起，我不能欺骗你，更不能骗我自己，请原谅。”
。。。
“你过得怎么样，好吗？”
“还是老样子，没什么特别。你呢？”
“也是一样，没什么特别。”
。。。
我没曾经爱过你，因为，我爱着你。不能欺骗你，更不能欺骗自己，爱你，是永远的现在进行式。

是希望，你过得比自己更好，幸福起来。却又害怕，你得到了幸福，不能再和你相见，自己必须离开。每一次的相见，电话的问候，忐忑着，期待着，你会说，已降落了在想要的幸福里。那，会是自己，最辛酸的快乐，幸福的心碎。那天的到来，自己会离开。你已降落，自己也流浪去。

带着你全部的回忆，独自流浪。在天涯，有你，在海角，有你，度过每一天，破碎的每一刻。

你的降落，我的流浪。

Orz

I am god.

We will never think this way, and we have forgotten, god is just nothing but a myth. Won’t you agree more?

Look at the people that surrounding us, appearing in ours daily life, what do they believe most, the god or the reality of life? Simply choose one, he or she will tell us “I am so-so religion’s follower.” But, what actually do they believe, the god or the goodies that benefiting them?

Looking in this world, in the news, we have been forced to believe, the god is making the world better and right. Yeah…..the shit, the god is making. We have wars that never ended for thousands year, and it is a war between beliefs, and the stupid humankind. Human is stupid enough to be manipulated, by the so-called statements, prophecies or messages from god. What a stupid idiot moron to believe so.

For those unexplainable situations, those crazy people created the myth story for them. This part is the most fun and psychological effect is taking into account. Humankind, they are afraid something that can’t be seen, they afraid the life after death, they are afraid will be going to hell. They are all wanted going to heaven, achieving the immortality. But where is the hell and heaven, do we see once? What is that life after death? It is actually definition dependence, ours own definition. God says anything about this? No, because, there is no god; but there is dog.

It’s really fuck-suck because of being afraid, making human or forcing them believing in things blindly. And the consequence is, we are creating the hell in this world, ironically, we thought this is the way to heaven.

When we have problem, we will pray for god’s help or guidelines. If we pass through, we thank god, but if we don’t, we still thank god, because he or she is testing us, but we failed the test; that what all people believe. Human, what the hell with you? Can’t we just thank ourselves or our friends or even our enemies for that? Why need to thank god? We are thanking something that may not have even helping us, or not even exist?

If there was god, and with so many followers, we really think the god would help us? Get a hammer, knock our head a bit? May be he or she was watching us and laughing there, “What a stupid fellow? Ha….” Why he or she needs to help us, since he would get the credit from us, anywhere.

...........

Liar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The world is full of lies.

It has been long time, till now, and out of idea, words just got manipulated. Make no sense, wondering, what does make things right, and what doesn’t. Yet, living seems to be better, perhaps for tomorrow.

Tomorrow, does it guarantee something for someone, or forever, just a future to the future? We wander. Who doesn’t?

Lies, make sense, it is truth. And truth hurts, doesn’t it? Perhaps the truth always hurt, and the truth on lies, hurting more.

To the future, existence is being query, and past, something can’t be changed. Perhaps, present, this moment, is making sense.

The world is full of lies, without liar. How romantic, ironic, it can be.

The world is without liar, full of lies.

Sadness

"This is not me, a breathing creature without soul, till a day i find you, completing me."

"I am smiling and laughing, for the sadness I have."

"It was not true, I would be dying, if i was losing you...... I am only dying because of not having you with me, in my whole life."

最高境界

据说，爱的最高境界，是不再感觉到对方的存在与否。他或她已是自身的一部分了。

真的有人能达到这个境界吗？这应该是一种长期的修行吧？

爱情，本来就是一种修行，不是吗？两个不同且独立的个体，不同的背景，不同的成长过程，不同的思考模式，却因化学的作用，欲望的趋势，而在一起。结合的成长过程中，各式各样的相对，冲突，礼让，为五斗米折腰，放下身段及尊严，寻找一个平衡点。这，不就是一种修行吗？一种和时间赛跑，长期的心与脑的斗争。

现代的人，还有这种修行的恒心吗？应该是少之又少吧。那些在短期内，在一起又分开的，是可以理解吧。可是有些，已经相当一段时期的，却分开了，是有些耐人寻味吧？难道，这么长的时间里，彼此都蒙蔽了，还是太会伪装，看不清呢？为何要等到如此多年或婚后，才要求分呢？还是彼此都不舍得分开，曾经害怕改变呢？长期的痛苦，会比短期更好吗？

修行固然重要，但也要找对对象啊！

一个你爱，却不爱你的人，留在身旁，值得吗？误了自己的青春，浪费了时间，还需每天惊心胆跳的，夜难眠啊！是的，也许短期的折腰，多数人都能办到。但如果是相当一段日子的，相信都会，三思四思五思后，都还不行吧。凄惨的，只有利益冲上头时，身段才会永远放下。

离开，也是修行啊！放下，也是修行啊！

人在世，只不过是在修行。不是修下辈子的，不是偿还上辈的，也不是为了要上天堂，或怕下地狱。所修的，是身在何处，能为大家做点事，幸福起来。

爱，是一种修行。要修到最高境界点， 就要相爱，学会爱，包容爱，勇敢爱，及，爱。

爱，太难明解了。就像，这么多年后，对你的感觉，还是一样深刻。也许，这是我的修行吧。

永怀

你走了，就这样的走了。

来不及看见这世界，来不及见你的父母，缘分既然终了。你来过，到过，曾经给了希望，给了你父母欢笑，期待。如果，要寻找你离开的原因，情愿相信，是缘份终了，是你和李氏家族的缘份到了尽头。

虽然没能和你见面，给你甜蜜的微笑，至少相片里，见到了你，可爱的小宝宝，小叔也知你来过了。

尘归尘，土归土，愿你平安上路。

你来过，到过，走了。